


a miracle called you

by haynaku (meclanitea)



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Light Angst, Reader-Insert, References to Sex, References to suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meclanitea/pseuds/haynaku
Summary: Chikage realizes he's in love.
Relationships: Utsuki Chikage/Reader
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For [Ea](https://twitter.com/Eachachama)! Hello my fave Chikage yumejoshi xD 
> 
> This first chapter is in Chikage's POV while the second chapter will be in the reader's POV~
> 
> M rated for references to sexual acts.
> 
> This was made in mind for a cis woman, but the first chapter can be read as gender-neutral.

Chikage is not a stranger to sex. He’s disliked most women his whole life but they make for passable time killers and at times, usable pawns in his various missions.

He doesn't do repeats. Anything that happens more than once can result as a liability, and cautious, oh, ever so cautious April would never intentionally give August any grief (maybe December if someone had to take a fall).

And yet, here he is on his eleventh night with you.

A chance meeting perhaps. He hadn’t expected to stay in Mankai, and if had left as planned, he would have never met you.

It’s 3 AM and he’s sitting naked on the bed, watching you breathe. Earlier, you had sniffed in your sleep and he had the inexplicable feeling of wanting to brush your hair off your forehead. He thinks about how your curls felt as they tangled in his fingers while you went down on him. Your gag reflex is terrible but you insist every time that you would gladly choke if it meant you got to taste him.

A genuine chuckle had come out of him the first time you had said so. Few things can surprise him, but the fact that he could laugh so freely with you blows his mind.

Becoming part of Mankai has lowered his guard, and that had been the only reason the two of you had a second time. By the third encounter, Chikage thought you were becoming a sort of addiction, like the rare spices that cost so much but he just can’t help but yearn for. At that point, he had thought of ending it – you’ve both had your fun, and if you knew _ about him _ , you wouldn’t want to be with him anymore anyway. But when he was about to say goodbye, you had rested your head on his shoulder with such a content expression.

“Thank you for being here with me,” you had whispered.

From anyone outside the family he considers today, he would find the words empty and unreliable. Coming from you, it sounded  _ true _ .

Chikage hates it.

Ever since getting picked up by the organization at age thirteen, his expectation was that he would leave the world by twenty.

At twenty-seven, he meets you, and you are so  _ earnest _ . You seem grateful that he has survived until now. And it hurts because you don’t know a fucking thing so your words promptly shut him up. He starts to think for the first time – maybe he should find how to get out of the organization, and for once, not sleep at night thinking how easy it would be to not wake up in the morning.

He starts counting each night with you as a miracle. After a year of this, whatever  _ this _ is, Chikage finally tells you. He spares you the worst of it, as he did with the Spring Troupe and with the director, and when he’s finished, he fully expects you to leave. Instead, you hold him close.

For the first time in a long time, Chikage cries.

And now, you’re together in bed, and Chikage has no plans to leave until you do. He knows it’s dangerous to stay with you, but you’re a choice he’s willing to make.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags: #fluff #domestic #smidge of angst #references to The Organization #timeskip
> 
> Same warnings as chapter 1. References are gender neutral but the fic was made with a cis woman in mind. This chapter is from the reader's POV.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

When Chikage tells you the truth of what he truly is, your first thought- beyond all of the possible things he's done, no matter how possibly horrible - is that he looks _so_ fragile talking to you.

You’re in your usual hotel room where he brings you when you guys sleep together. Instead of letting you shower or desperately kissing you by the wall, he had asked for you to listen to him. Chikage is sitting on the bed and you’re standing right in front of him as he holds your hands together. His eyes are a stormy sea while he tells you about August, Hisoka, and the organization. They seem to plead with you to stay.

So you do.

It’s not surprising that he isn’t a typical salaryman but certainly, you've never imagined _this_. Yet, is there anything you can say when his deep voice cracks, as if stifling a sob from coming out?

Not a word sounds out from either of you. You get out of his grip gently and can feel him shake. The ever-smug and confident person you’ve come to know, with only the smallest cracks in his wall, is letting you see him vulnerable now. Your heart squeezes. You cup his face, forcing him to gaze directly in your eyes. You bring your foreheads together and all you hope is that he understands that you’re too deep into this now. 

You couldn’t possibly leave even if you wanted to.

Although for others, it’d be lacking in personal touches, you think that your little Hokkaido apartment with Chikage is one of the coziest ones you own. The pillows are as soft as marshmallows and are strewn everywhere from the carpeted floors to the teal loveseat you picked out together to the king-sized mattress that you share together. You have no pictures or posters on the walls, no knick knacks or souvenirs from where you’ve travelled, but that’s quickly forgotten when you’re together. All you need is each other’s warmth, the stacks of hot chocolate coffee dominating the cupboards, and the tubs of ice cream that populate the freezer.

No matter what anyone else could say about it, it’s homey, it’s yours and Chikage’s, and it’s _perfect_.

You’re usually here in the summer when the Tokyo heat gets unbearable, but right now, it’s late winter and you both need a change of scenery before Chikage gets busy with the plays and that ‘work’ of his.

Said work doesn’t push him around as much anymore, but the many apartments across the country and the world are a precaution—The Organization is not a kind master after all.

When you chose him, he told you the type of life you’d lead. He told you that being together had to be a secret to keep you safe but you said ‘yes’ anyway.

It’s hard when you love someone and want everyone to know but you can’t. It’s hard to go back home to your own apartment and sneak around when you want to meet him. It’s hard. Period.

But goddammit, is Chikage worth it.

You’re not married, and you will probably never get married, but there is no doubt he is yours. He leaves marks on your body and even when they fade, sometimes you still feel the areas he bit so hard that skin broke. And outside the bedroom, you wear a bracelet with the simple word ‘April’. He gave it to you on your 2nd anniversary since that fateful night he laid himself bare. He has a matching one with your birth month on it. He’s careful when he wears it, but the very gesture feels like cloud nine.

“I’m home, honey,” Chikage announces as he enters your abode.

The pet name is a joke for the most part and you refuse to let your heart skip a beat when he says it.

You kiss him on the cheek and he heads towards the bathroom. When you were younger, you might have joined him inside. Time, however, has taught you to appreciate taking it slow and the mundanity of it all.

After all the fanfare of dinner is finished, you sit in bed, both looking at your phones. You’re leaning by his chest while his arm is around your shoulder. In a few days, he’ll be busy again and the most you’ll have is a phone call here and there outside of your daily greetings. The hand you’ve placed on his thigh tightens and he notices.

Chikage kisses your forehead and asks softly in your ear, “What’s wrong?”

You bite your lip. You have to be careful with your words because even though Chikage likes to always have a strong front, he _does_ think about things really deeply. “I’m happy, I really am…I just miss you all the time.”

He looks away. “I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widen and you reach for his hand. “No, I knew what I was getting into. It’s just…” you trail off.

You gather your courage because you _need_ him to understand. “It’s difficult, and some days are worse than others, but I told you, didn’t I? I want to stay. Sometimes, I’ll be frustrated because I can’t be a perfect person who always just waits, but I’ll be here nonetheless. I will always want to be here.”

He’s silent for a moment and you fear the worst but he wraps his other arm around you. “Thank you.” His voice is raw and you feel tears choking up your throat. You grip him harder and rest your head on his shoulder.

And when you wake up the next morning, he’s facing towards you asleep. The light from the window surrounds him and he glows. Indeed, he’s the most beautiful person you’ve ever met.

You caress his cheek and the only words that form in your head are “I love you, I love you, I love you so much.”

Some days are easy, but others unbearable. In the end, you know that as long as he comes home to you and loves you all the same, you don’t need anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> twt: [meclanitea](https://twitter.com/meclanitea)
> 
> yume stuff are not my usual content but I hope you enjoyed!


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